Random Ramblings of a Tired Mind...

[Guest]

Ok, I'm not going to post a link, I'm going to post on here the slightly amusing blog story I've started on Myspace. It has a Part 1 and a Part 2 so far, and both are not linked at all.. continuity isn't one of my strong points.


The funny and random events that me and my friend Linzi encounter.

What a crap title, but it'll do for now. It does explain what's happening though, and although some of the parts of this are fictional, some of it isn't, which is why I'm typing this.

Like for instance, our fictional 'trip to the bank' which proved a little eventful. It even got onto Crimewatch! Bonus! Also, the description 'boobed woman' is how Linzi described herself, so no moaners! Anyway, here's how it went:

"Now, coming up next on Crimewatch, we have the horrificly funny tale of a completely botched bank robbery attempt by a small man with strangely coloured, strangely styled hair, and a tall, boobed woman. Both are believed to be at large, with a very loose grip on reality and should you see either of them, you should NOT approach them as they may lick the side of your face, or steal your hairpeice. You should call our Crimewatch number, reporting when and where you saw these two misguided and confused, yet highly dangerous criminals last. Let's see some CCTV footage of their failed attempt at robbing a bank."

Cuts to poor quality CCTV images of male accomplice failing to leap over the counter, instead catching himself on the disabled leaning post and hitting his head on the glass separator, then falling to the ground in a heap.
Then another camera captures the boobed accomplice in a similar heap on the floor, failing to get the better of a cash machine, as it refused to give her card back. She then attempts to hit the machine, but gets her arm tangled in her handbag, and hits herself over the head, knocking her to the floor.

Some mobile phone footage by a shocked customer at the bank recorded these voices, but the images are hard to make out:

Male Accomplice: "Put your hands up mother-stickers! This is a (bleep) up!"
Bank Clerk: "Uh.. Y-yes.. one m-monent s-sir!"
Male Accomplice: "HURRY!!"
[Noises follow of footsteps, and various bangs ad the male accomplice hits the floor]
Boobed Accomplice "Mike-I mean M, It's swallowed my card! Damn machine!"
Male Accomplice: "You were supposed to break it open! not use your card! Theres a brick in your bag!! Use it!"
Boobed Accomplice: "Oh OK!"
[More noises as the boobed accomplice also hits the floor]
Male Accomplice: "Never mind! Come on!"

Then the footage ends at that point.

"If you have any information of the whereabouts of these hapless fools, then please contact us.

Moving on, an old lady took out 14 teenagers with her hadbag and some hairspray, We are appealing for witnesses"


So you can see, although this is a little view into my strange mind, nobody gets hurt (except the fictional versions of me and Miss Linzi, and occasionally, the real me).

[Guest]

Part 2!! Yeah! I'm doing part 2!

So last time I did this, I was on the run with Linzi because we tried to rob a bank..

Well, Part 2 is gonna have NOTHING to do with that! So, here goes….

We found a book the other week, Well, I say book, it was more like a work book from when I was in nursery or something.

So Linzi and I browsed the tome with interest, and made these observations that are vital to the world we live in today:

- All children's fingers must be at least 1 and a half times the length of their body.

- All old men must be run away from

- Windows on houses must NEVER be symmetrical, just as roofs must be a perfect red triangle, and the front door must be in the middle, with strange elliptical shaped windows either side.

- The sun ALWAYS smiles, and clouds are mean and try to blow you away, as that is where wind is stored.

- All balls must be red, and big.

- Sand is orange.

- Parents legs have to be 6 times the size of a child.

-



And as for the alphabet… well, I think they were teaching me it in the wrong order.., so I'll show you how that went…

W - Witch, Wheel, Window, Wall

A - Apple, Arrow, Adam, Aaron (Yeah, I even put 2 A's in it!)

E - Emily, Eggs, Elephant

(At this point in the book, I'd been to a fun-fair and the forest… So the next letter must be…)

K - King, Kitten, Kite, Kangaroo (I'm impressing myself now!)

M - Mouse, Mum, Man, Me

(Now I've been to Blackpool, and to a bonfire, with a sparkler!)

C - Cat, Cake, Car, Caterpillar

At this point, I hit my rebellious streak.. I'd decided to write thing in the wrong order…Like my name… Geary Michael, and when I was asked about royalty, I decided to write King The, but I have no idea what Finiongniays means…

Speaking of King the, He wanted to marry Claire. I don't know which Claire I'm writing about at, like 3 years old or something. This is what I actually wrote: The king wont to mariy clir m m.

Lucky for me, the teacher translated it.

Anyway, back to the makeshift alphabet…

R - Rabbit, Roger, a Red Roof (see earlier), Rachel

J - Jennifer, Johnny, Jumper, James (I wrote that last word myself!)

B - a Blue Ball (Illegal, I know..) a Bear, Baby, and my personal favourite, Billy Blue-hat.



So my personal alphabet goes: W, A, E, K, M, C, R, J, B.

Try and write something with that!

The last page of this book has something in code (Well, 3 year old writing)

I hav a hyw howse 10 nuf rd.

I can only assume this is referring to my address, but who knows.

What I was thinking when I was 3, I don't know, but I do know I was allowed crayons, and old men were something I feared.